FIRSTSIDE PARK in Downtown Pittsburgh is one of those “if you have fun, we will kill you” parks. Privately owned by PNC Bank and located across from its corporate office, the one-acre green space is crisscrossed by curved, spiraling trails that resemble a mutant octopus from above. Weathered metal sculptures of anthropomorphized rabbits and frogs hide among the bushes and tall grass—I think they’re meant to evoke a storybook sense of whimsy and wonder, but they instead come across as uncanny and somehow off, as if ChatGPT generated a piece of public art.
(Boen Wang for the Sunday Long Read)
When I visit on an overcast August morning, I’m greeted by an entrance sign that passive-agressively reminds me, please do not SKATEBOARD or LOITER. I sit on an anti-homeless bench—metal dividers prevent you from comfortably lying down—that’s inscribed with an MLK quote (“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is: what are you doing for others?”). Above the quote is a placard aggressively reminding me that this is PRIVATE PROPERTY. Walking the main trail, I step aside when a white cop strides past me. He says something to a Black man sitting on a bench (like literally just sitting there) who then gets up and leaves, the cop seemingly escorting him out.
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